For much of my life I didn’t think people would like me, let alone love me, if they knew me. All my mistakes, guilt, and shame that I harbored kept me isolated from true relationships. I suffered with depression and anxiety that attacked and crippled me. I didn’t think anyone else could, should, or would understand those things. I suffered for years in the prison I created, feeling invisible in the world.
When I did share my pain, some people would say, “Get over it.” “Forgive and forget.” Others would say, “You don’t need medical help or medications so it’s not that bad.”
Rejected and dismissed, I would wrap up my wound and try to hide it, but it was bleeding out. Sometimes the wound would begin to heal, but then I would rip the scab off in order to gain attention. Other times someone else would unintentionally or intentionally poke at my wounds or rip the scab off. A vicious cycle would ensue of hiding, festering, and then sharing, only to be rejected again. I was utterly alone as the cycles became closer in frequency and stronger intensity.
Then, on the brink of losing everything I reached out in desperation and God was there. I began my Christian counseling and learned that I was not alone. For years I worked on finding my voice. I learned to lean on the Lord, and not others, to heal me and validate me. As I slowly became confident in who I am, I began to open up to my inner circle of family and friends. Slowly, I shared my past invisible pain and the healing I received once I was forgiven in the name of Jesus Christ. I took that pain and turned it into compassion and forgiveness. Deep abiding peace and joy began to fill my life and my relationships grew in ways I never could have dreamed.
I am not alone. Nearly everyone has a hurt/wound that is invisible. Pain that comes from abuse, rejection, humiliation, illness, or just life. Wounds that no one sees, but God knows. He sees all of us and loves us.
Seek Him and He will change your life.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).
Categories: Devotion of the Week