Accept. Adjust. Appreciate. By Dr. Lynnette Simm

Last week I wrote about my amazing husband, Madison. This week I wanted to share about our marriage. People have asked us how we have stayed so in love after near 28 years together (24 married as of leap year day). We mostly answer with funny quips or common cliches, but it just struck me tonight as we chatted until well past 11 p.m.

Madison’s work has been crazy with the market going off the charts; he’s in banking, and with his father’s cancer progressing rapidly he was exhausted this evening. Regardless, his girls wanted to take him out to dinner, so he popped two Tylenols and went to dinner and then when his wife wanted to talk about anything and everything, he propped himself up and listened. Hmmm, did I say last week he’s nearing sainthood? —LOL. 

Anyway, what I’m trying to get at is what has made our marriage work is our ability to accept, adjust, and appreciate. This evening was Madison’s turn. Accepting each other as we are was not easy. We are true opposites. Extrovert/Introvert, Logic/Emotions, Fact Finder/Feeling Finder. Somehow we have both worked to accept the other for who they are. Now this isn’t to say that even knowing and accepting the other eliminates all friction, but it helps a ton. 

We both have had to adjust our way of seeing things and how we do things to align up with each other. Some things were little adjustments, like him learning that his socks really do belong in the hamper versus on the floor next to the bed. Some things were more important adjustments, like me understanding that he needs down time after work and time to process information. No matter the adjustment, we both are in continuous movement. Adjusting for each other in this life we promised to share.

Then there is appreciating. We have learned the old adage “You can get more with honey than vinegar.” We not only appreciate the partner we have in each other, but we appreciate our differences. I love that I can cry, and he can remain focused. I love that he can’t find almost anything in the pantry, and I have no idea how whole life insurance amortizes. Heck, I had to look up the word “amortize!” We are not very good alone, but together we can do almost anything. 

As this revelation popped into my mind, it quickly moved from my relationship with my husband to my relationship with Jesus. Accept, Adjust, Appreciate. When I found myself on the precipice in my life, I looked out into the darkness and saw only one light. Yes, another cliche, but true. I was so wrapped up in my self-made prison, that the only light I saw came from Jesus. 

Jesus accepted me, my pain, and my sins. He waited patiently for me to accept Him. Once I did, then came the work to realign my heart, mind, and life. Slowly over the years, I have learned how to accept Jesus’s forgiveness and love. I have slowly seen how much He has been there for me, making adjustments in my life. I fell in love with God and began to adjust how I saw the world and myself in the world through His eyes.

And finally, I have come to appreciate the Lord. All that God has done for me, all the pain and tears He has used to help me become the strong person I am now. Jesus came into my life, but He didn’t stop there. He came into my family. I appreciate that I do not know all the hows and whys of life, but that’s another thing I love about God—I don’t have to know. I merely accept that He knows. I adjust my life to show His love. I appreciate His unconditional love and salvation. 

For most of my relationship with Madison I felt I didn’t deserve him, but God loves me. I know I don’t deserve Jesus’s love and grace, but God loves me. If you feel undeserving, I’m living proof that God’s love isn’t based on what we deserve. And all you have to do, is ACCEPT that as truth, ADJUST your heart and mind, and APPRECIATE the gift. That’s is the secret to any long lasting relationship. Accept one another, Adjust to those around you with love, and Appreciate the blessings of them. Husbands, parents, sibling, children, friends, and even pets. We are all loved by God and He shows us through our relationships. 

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity (Colossians 3:12–14).