Friends Deserve Grace

 Based on the chapter, “If I Only Had….Closer Friendships” from

If I Only Had…Wrapping Yourself in God’s Truth During Storms of Insecurity

by Catherine Weiskopf and Lisa Burkhardt Worley

The text read, “Can you have lunch this Saturday after the conference?” My friend was coming into town to attend an event we were both going to. I explained that several others were also supposed to come up, and were staying at my house overnight, so they’d have to tag along.

After telling her that, my friend didn’t get back to me, at least immediately. I began to worry she was upset. This particular friend had historically been frustrated with the way I travel in a “pack,” and often longed for one-on-one time. In my defense, there are so many women I love, and admire, the only way I can see them all is in a group setting.

So, I wrote my friend a long email, explaining my situation further. I told her I had committed to the three women back in November, and she was just asking me to lunch a week out. I apologized that I couldn’t go out with her alone, and promised to make it up to her.

A couple hours later, I heard from her. She had been at a movie. That’s why she didn’t respond. She wasn’t upset at all, and understood. In reality, she was fitting me into her small window, because she already had plans at night.

Don’t we do that with friends? Instead of assuming the best, we assume the worst. Friends will disappoint us at times by forgetting a birthday, they will be crabby and tired, and react with harsh words; other times they wont be there for us when we need them. But we need to give our friends room to mess up. We all want people to allow for our mess-ups, but do we do the same for them?

When the inevitable happens, what do you do? Do you let it go, confront them, nurse the injustice, pull away and clam up, or carry the hurt around for years?

We all have our ways we typically react to hurt, but giving grace to our friends involves taking the hurt to God first. He can then lead us to the truth about the situation, including our part in the matter. He can show us how our hurt should be dealt with, and direct us in the process of healing, which often goes against our learned reactions to pain.

Grace will not allow you to let an issue fester, retreat from the friendship, and lose the bond over a misunderstanding.  Friendships are worth saving.

Friends will also help us grow up through the giving and receiving of this grace. Proverbs 27:6 says, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” In other words, it takes a good friend to hold you accountable!

Proverbs 17:7 adds, “A friend loves at all times. What does that mean? It means you love your friends, even when they do unlovely things.

Giving you room to mess up…Boy, Jesus was the best at that. On the Sermon on the Mount he taught, “If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also (Matthew 5:39). He knew some of the disciples had betrayed him after his arrest, but Jesus came back to them after his resurrection, bearing total forgiveness and unconditional love.

What if Jesus got mad when we disappointed him, never to speak to us again? That’s not the way it works in God’s kingdom, and we are supposed to be imitators of Christ in our personal friendships.

Is there someone you need to forgive, or give the benefit of the doubt? Rather than create a scenario in your mind, like I did with my friend, try to be Jesus with skin on, and show her grace.