Honest to God by Catherine Weiskopf

My teary eyed daughter and her friend Gracie sat in the backseat of our car. Driving them to Gracie’s house for a sleepover, I wondered if Holly was emotionally up to it.

“Gracie, can you give me a moment alone with Holly,” I said as we pulled into Gracie’s driveway.

After Gracie left the car I asked Holly what was making her unhappy. The drama of the last thirty minutes played over in my head. Thirty minute earlier Holly had forgotten her phone upstairs. When she asked Gracie to run upstairs with her, Gracie had replied, “I’ll just stay outside and chat with your mom.” Holly dashed upstairs but lingered. As the minutes ticked by Gracie and I started and finished a game of checkers. When we finally went to check on Holly her scowling face and avoidance of eye contact clearly told me something was wrong.

So back in the car after much fishing for some answers Holly said, “I know I shouldn’t feel this way but the tears keep coming. I was jealous of you and Gracie.” After explaining that she was the center of both Gracie and my attention and how I was just trying to be nice to her friend, her tears still flowed.

I decided to be really honest. “I understand how you feel, Holly. I’ve been jealous before.”

“You have,” she said her head still down but her eyes looking up at me through the tears.

“Yes, remember how one of my friends said you wanted to come live with her.”

She remembered.

“Well, that made me jealous and hurt just thinking maybe you wanted to live with someone else more than me.”

She smiled. The first smile in 45 minutes.

My honesty helped her accept her emotions.

My honesty broke down her wall.

My honesty brought a smile to her face.

This experience caused me to think about my often lack of honesty with God. I often pretend I have no doubt. I pretend my sins aren’t that bad and I’m a good person.  Some days I pretend that He is a priority but mentally rehearse my to-do-list while studying the Bible.  

Would being honest with God break down the walls between us? When I look at David’s life and his honesty the answer is yes. David was a man after God’s own heart because he laid it all on the line. No pretending. In Psalm 22: 1-2 David lamented about how he felt abandoned by God, My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?  Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish?  My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest.

Following David’s lead it’s possible to be the same kind of honest with God. It’s not only possible, but with more thought, anything else feels ridiculous. After all, doesn’t God know the number of hairs on our head? When were are dishonest, we try to hide part of ourselves from the one who can’t be hidden from. To hide we must build an emotional wall. To hide we must separate part of who we are from Him.

It’s not easy being honest with God but in order to experience a breakthrough in our relationship with God we must try. And I believe, our honesty, like it brought a smile to Holly’s face, will also bring a smile to the holy face of God!