When Should We Choose Self Control?

He could have done it, but didn’t.

His enemy, who had been hunting him down, was unarmed and vulnerable. However, the hunted restrained from putting an end to it, once and for all.

That was the story of Israel’s soon-to-be king David and the reigning King Saul. David was hiding from the jealousy-driven Saul in a cave when Saul stepped into David’s temporary residence for a bio break. David, a warrior who had slain thousands, could have jumped out of his hiding place and run his oppressor through with a sword. He could have hurled a rock at Saul’s head and knocked him out. Instead, he cut off a corner of Saul’s robe, a visible demonstration of how David chose peace instead of war.

When Saul found out his life was spared by his successor, he had a brief change of heart and wept, saying, “You are more righteous than I” “You have treated me well, but I have treated you badly” (1 Samuel 24:17-18). “May the Lord reward you well for the way you treated me today” (1 Samuel 24:19). Saul proceeded to leave David alone.

Sometimes it’s what we don’t do that makes the biggest impact.

It’s what we refrain from saying that turns a person around.

It can be more powerful to give grace to an individual who doesn’t deserve it.

Hopefully, no one is chasing after you.

But there’s always going to be someone who makes you mad.

A loved one who pushes your buttons.

A rude driver who cuts you off.

What do you do when it happens?

Do you pounce on the person with a verbal assault?

Do you make an unfriendly gesture?

Or do you pull back and show restraint?

It often takes more discipline to zip our lips. To not seek payback for any harm done.

We have to ask ourselves, will angry words change the behavior?

Will our snappy reaction cause the situation to escalate into an even worse scenario?

Years ago, I remember driving on the Hutchinson Parkway in Connecticut when an aggressive driver tailgated me, nearly running me off the road. I let him pass, but then I turned my bright headlights on him for a few seconds. I showed him! After that, the wannabe racecar driver decided he wasn’t in such a hurry after all. In his anger, he slowed his pace down so I would catch up to him. No telling what would have happened had I passed him. I might have been staring down a 20-gauge shotgun. He gave up after I out-slowed him, to 10 mph in a 60 mph zone. I learned a lesson about road rage that day and never retaliated on the highway again.

Sometimes the best way to handle the hurts we face is to pray on the spot. Ask God, “What do you want me to say to this person?”

“Am I being oversensitive?”

“How should I handle this?

Take a day to sort through your feelings with the Lord, and he will provide a solution. Don’t seek aggressive retaliation. Choose self-control.

James 1:19-20 says, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

Showing grace is often times the best, and most powerful option.