Confronting Confrontation

             Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. (Proverbs 19:20)

            Confrontation. I disdain it and many times will simply stuff my feelings.  I worry that if I confront a friend or relative about something they are doing that might be wrong or that hurts me, I risk losing them forever if the truth is not received by them. So in the past, I’ve kept quiet, keeping the lid on a slow boil inside, distanced from the person to avoid the pain, or dealt with it by complaining to someone else. I don’t think any of these are the option Jesus would choose.

            Jesus traveled with a group of twelve men and several times Jesus had to admonish his closest friends over their pride.  In Matthew 6:33, Peter boasts that even if other followers turn on Jesus, that he never will. Jesus knew the truth and immediately called Peter on his statement: Truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times. (Matthew 26:34)

            Through their mother, James and John, the sons of Zebedee ask to sit at Jesus’ right and left hand in his kingdom. Jesus, seeing this as an issue with the entire group, gathers them all together and says, …whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:26-28)

            Even at the last supper with his disciples, there was a dispute about who would be the greatest in the kingdom. Jesus diffused the argument by washing the disciples feet and saying,Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.  (John 13:16)

            So Jesus regularly confronted his friends with the truth, in a loving way, and I believe it made their relationships stronger.  If a relationship is worth keeping, it’s worth confronting.

            This week I had to speak to a sister friend about something she was doing that hurt me.  I didn’t want to say anything because I loved this friend and did not want to risk losing her.  It was a conversation that was very uncomfortable and although I was hurt, my bringing it up hurt her.  However, through the experience, I believe we are closer now than we were before it happened.  If I had not said anything, I probably would have resorted back to my old pattern of running away, but I believed this friendship was special and worth the confrontation.  When it relates to our Christian walk, friends need to speak the truth to each other.  Your friend may not be seeing that what they are doing takes away from their Christian witness.  By saying something, you are being Jesus to them. 

            I am far from perfect and have also been the recipient of the truth from a friend.  While it took some processing, it resulted in a behavioral change that is more Christ-like. In the end, I was grateful for the truth, which enlightened me about an area of pride in my personality that I was not seeing myself.

            Proverbs 27:17 says, As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.  Don’t be afraid of telling a friend the truth, if it is for their edification in their Christian journey.  In the end, you will have a much healthier, closer relationship with your friend and the truth will shape them into who Jesus desires them to be.