Isolation: Is it in your Marriage? By Lisa Mick

God has a specific design for marriage and it is a perfect plan that He created and wants couples to learn to live by.  There is no where He says it will be easy.  It takes two people working together, not just one.

We tend to forget we need to communicate with each other and really listen to what the other one has to say.  When we all first get married it is romantic and we are trying to do the best to impress each other.  As life goes by and more issues come with being married, then we tend to look at each other a little differently.  Things that didn’t bother us before now seem to irritate us to death!  This, my friends has started the process called isolation.  This is when you are moving further apart instead of further together.  This is when the romantic part starts to phase out and the reality phase sets in.  We also start looking at each other and wishing that our spouse wouldn’t do some of the things they are doing.  We look up and think, “Did I really marry this person?”  Am I going to have to deal with this the rest of my life?  We start the course of bitterness and resentment which turns into rejection.  Rejection is hard to turn around, except with the help of our Almighty God. 

Do you expect a lot from your spouse?  Expectations are really not good for a marriage because we as humans always disappoint.  Yes, I mean you.  I do. You do. We all do.  It is a product of PRIDE.  We think of ourselves and our needs and wants before our partners.  This is actually quite normal, but also something we have to work on.  This pride issue causes marriages to be in trouble because we are thinking of ourselves.  I thought my husband had all the issues!  LOL God reminded me of a scripture in Romans 14:4:

Who are you to condemn someone else’s servants? Their own master will judge whether they stand or fall.  And with the Lord’s help, they will stand and receive his approval.

I thought when I read this, “Wow, who am I to judge what my husband is doing or not doing?” I expected a lot of things from him. Those things didn’t always get done; things stacked up around the house and I started a list! A honey-do list seemed to make it worse.   I had lots of issues as well, but did I look at mine? No, just my husband’s.  Isn’t it easier to look at someone else and blame them for our problems? I did, and I believe we all do my friends.  This is where I had my first real “AHA” moment about pride.  So I learned that day, that I could not make my husband stand, but that God could. 

I started turning over issues one at a time to the Lord and I also took a long hard look at myself and realized I had things that needed changing as well.  Remember, I said it takes two people working together.  I really hadn’t been trying. I just expected a lot out of him.  Are you starting to see how isolation set itself up in our marriage?  That girls, is not what God designed.  God designed oneness for our marriage, not isolation. 

God’s design is for us to look to Him first, then our husbands and then us.  Say what? I am not kidding you; I didn’t like this newfound information because that meant I had to work on the marriage and look at things in a completely different light. 

I had to want God’s design for my marriage, not mine.  God’s design is perfect and if you try to follow it and stay with it, then He will bless your socks off!  I guarantee it.

Following God’s pathway to oneness in marriage has led us to be married for almost 26 years of marriage! Praise God, ladies, because I am thankful now that I stayed and worked on my marriage.  I have my best friend to share life with, to eventually have grandkids with and a family for our sons and their families to come home to.  What a blessing God has allowed in my life. I can’t fix it for you, but God will guide us in working on that marriage of yours and He can fix it.  My marriage is proof that His word works.