Holy Frustration by Onyx Conklin

“But if I say, “I will not mention his word
or speak anymore in his name,”
his word is in my heart like a fire,
a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
indeed, I cannot.”

(Jeremiah 20:9)

AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

I bet you didn’t think this blog was going to start out with a markedly loud sound of frustration but hey, you likely have your moments too. One thing I always want to bring to the table is authenticity.

If you meet me in person, you’ll notice right away that I am extroverted, excited all the time, I love people, and I am a very passionate person. It might be the spicy marinara running through my Italian veins because it’s not from the caffeine. For the sake of everyone around me, I drink decaf! Yes, I’m a champion of Christ set on fire. So Onyx, please tell me, why are you so frustrated? 

I’ll get to that in a minute but let me just say that lately I feel like the Bible champions I love—Jeremiah, Nehemiah, Paul, Moses, and yes, though I am not as much like Him as I’d like to be yet, somedays I resonate with the heart of Jesus. You see there is a passion that burns like a flame inside me that longs to come out. Maybe you feel that way too?

For me personally I have a heart-deep, spirit-infused connectedness to Israel and the Jewish Nation. I have studied WWII and the Holocaust since I was in the 7th grade. My people-loving heart cannot understand how a people just living life can be so hated, so hunted after, and so many destroyed by that hatred. And because that doesn’t compute with me, I am in a constant state of longing to help, to educate, to study, to love, to serve, to stand, and to ensure those victims, survivors, and their future generations are never forgotten. But what do I do with all that fire to do something? How does someone with limited resources, education, and time go about that? If I could turn passion into resources, I would be more than set for this journey. So you see, frustration simmers!

But Onyx, this is a blog of encouragement, where is it? You might be asking me that question. Well it turns out that all of the Bible heroes I mentioned above had their share of holy frustration. All of them possessed fire for the things of God to be accomplished and all of them had to endure great amounts of waiting, wondering, and testing. We tend to read our Bible speedily. I can get through some of Paul’s letters within an hour. But I also remind myself that Paul spent YEARS in some cases in the same town, doing the same things we do, teaching, serving, and working. If the great Apostle Paul had to wait and yet his ministry is powerful and relevant even now, how can we skip and fast-track our waiting period?

Jesus was 33 when He gave His life for humanity but only three years were in full time ministry. What did Jesus do? Paul do? Nehemiah do? Moses do? Then remained faithful to daily life. They went back to the last thing God told them and they remained grateful and faithful. This is my encouragement to you and me both. Let’s keep our fires stoked. Let’s keep invested in whatever God has called us to until He is ready to unleash our fire. In the meantime, be refined in the fire but do not be burned up by it. His plan will prevail!

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